1550 days sober & 45 years alive
March 31st holds a special significance in my recovery story.
My birthday falls on the last day of the third month of the year. I often use this fact to challenge myself to do or not do something for ~ 90 days.
See I didn't just "wake up" one year and decide to get sober. I had known for years -- more than a decade.
Two years prior to getting sober, I successfully committed to not drinking for 90 days.
At the time it was a huge accomplishment for me. After 90 days, I felt great! I lost 15lbs and was happier, but on April 1st I still ordered my next whiskey.
The thing is, that year, I really wanted that 90 days to be forever.
Over 15 years there were countless tries I desperately wished would stick, but I proved not strong enough.
45 feels heavy. Not because I feel old. In fact I feel holistically the healthiest I've ever felt.
But I am left asking why am I so lucky?
Why after so many years of sabotaging my life do I get to have the great job, amazing friends and a wonderful relationship.
Somehow I just didn't give up. What was once a wish to die became a will to change. I kept trying.
It took many years of failed streaks to get to here, today.
Don't worry about how many times you tried before, just don't give up.
Be a goldfish.